Diane Hancox

gratitude

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The Importance of Gratitude

The philosopher Eric Hoffer stated, “The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.”

Gratitude is a virtue disposing the mind to an inward sense and an outward acknowledgment of a gift or benefit received. Gratitude is the appreciation of what is valuable and meaningful to us and represents a general state of thankfulness, gratefulness or appreciation.

Gratitude encompasses abundance, simple appreciation, appreciation of others and the world, optimism, life satisfaction, hope, spirituality/religion, forgiveness, and empathy. It is negatively related to depression, anxiety, materialism and envy.

Gratitude is also a readiness to return or express the gift or feeling of appreciation. As William Arthur Ward noted, “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.”

Gratitude has one of the strongest links with mental well being of any character trait. Research has measured improvements in mood, specifically depression, when practicing gratitude. Such benefits include better physiological health (heart rhythms and sleep patterns), fewer physical symptoms (headaches, colds), increased cognitive performance, higher states of alertness, determination and energy, and an increased sense of connection to others.

Expressions of gratitude by one person tend to motivate others to express gratitude. Thus, showing gratitude initiates a virtuous cycle, enhancing positive reciprocal behavior. Indeed, gratitude when shared with others has significant effects. Dr. Emmons of the University of California Davis found, “When we express an emotion, it tends to magnify or amplify the feeling. So expressing thanks makes our gratitude stronger.”

Expressing gratitude also strengthens relationships. What is good for the giver of gratitude is also good for the person receiving it. Studies show that the expression of thanks “more than doubled the likelihood that helpers would provide assistance again.”

Gratitude’s opposing trait appears as envy. If gratitude is fearless, then envy is full of fear and seeped in the scarcity principle of ‘not enough.’ Our envy can even be directed towards ourselves, showing up as that inner voice that enviously prevents us from believing in and pursuing our dreams. It says, “You’re too old, not smart enough, don’t have enough money” to manifest your hopes.

Gratitude can be introduced into our day by saying “thank you,” sending thank-you notes telling people what we appreciate about them, identifying in the moment what we are appreciating (e.g., the sky, a smell, a touch), accepting compliments and gifts from others, and regularly using a gratitude journal.

Sometimes we do not see all that we can be grateful for in our lives. Perhaps this Thanksgiving weekend we can revisit our blessings. Look around and imagine your life without certain people, happenings and items, in both past and current situations. A great practice it to list five different gratitudes each day for three weeks. Begin with, “I am grateful for …” The rest is up to you.

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The Reality of Happiness

The commonly asked question, “How are you feeling?” is often replied with the somewhat obligatory “Good, thanks, and you?”

However, Jungian author James Hollis suggested that, “Feeling good may be a very poor measure of the worth of one’s life.” He furthered queried, “Think of the people you truly admire or inspire you. How much of their life was about ‘feeling good’” or being happy?

As the Canadian Thanksgiving weekend approaches, perhaps it is an opportune time to question the importance of happiness in our lives and what truly brings us gratitude.

According to Nathaniel Hawthorne, “Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” Jung agreed, stating, “The more you deliberately seek happiness the more sure you are not to find it.”

In the film, Under the Tuscan Sun, the wise eccentric widow, Katherine, advised Francis, “Listen, when I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally, I’d just give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.”

Much like butterflies and ladybugs, happiness is fleeting. Hollis suggested, “Our goal is not happiness, which is evanescent and impossible to sustain; it is meaning which broadens us and carries us towards our destiny.”

Part of the meaning, as Jung suggested, deals with our capacity of “coping with the vicissitudes of life.” It refers to being able to look inward for answers, to trust our true voice and to honour our values and feelings regardless of whether it rains or shines. Perhaps more meaningful for residents of B.C.’s west coast is the anonymous saying, “If you think sunshine brings you happiness, then you haven’t danced in the rain.”

Society’s focus on achieving and maintaining happiness is a fallacy. It is impossible to live a completely happy life. To live such a life would negate half (or more) of our experiences, resulting in an unbalanced existence. Jung stated that, “Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness.”

In fact, not feeling good is often unacceptable. We learned very early, usually from our family of origin, not to express any so-called negative feelings. Everything had to be ‘fine’ or ‘good.’ Valid feelings of discomfort, sadness, disappointment and hurt were often negated or minimized. This results in feeling as if there was, and may continue to be, something wrong with us when we experience such feelings.

Writer Ivan Panin wrote, “As the sea is beautiful not only in calm but also in storm, so is happiness found not only in peace but also in strife.” Instead of seeking happiness, perhaps it is more meaningful to value states of well-being, satisfaction, contentment, fulfillment, peace, acceptance, groundedness, trust and gratitude. When this shift occurs it allows one to more fully appreciate all that life has to offer – where ‘the good, the bad and the ugly’ become what simply are.