Diane Hancox

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May 11, 2022 – An Evening of EMDR

Wed., May 11     7-9 pm           FREE

Parksville Community Centre    223 Mills St., Parksville (beside Starbucks)

Learn about EMDR Therapy – Eye Movement Desensitization & Reprocessing – a WHO approved trauma psychotherapy that is effective in reconsolidating any intense or bothersome event or thought.    It helps more than trauma!

When the negative self-talk or anxiety does not go away despite all the positive affirmations, etc.  When the defensive ‘ya-buts’ keep the looping and spiraling going.  When we just can’t seem to shake the anger, guilt or resentments.   EMDR helps to target, unravel and reprocess these deep-seated cognitions and feelings.

      What would you like to “clear up”?

  • memories that bother or haunt you  (flashbacks, nightmares)
  • negative beliefs (“I’m not good enough.” “I’m unlovable.”)
  • certain situations (e.g., holidays, giving presentations)
  • certain people (e.g.,  in-law, co-worker)
  • a certain event/age  (e.g., abuse, accident, a move)
  • issues you thought you had “dealt with” or “got over”
  • anxiety, anger, guilt, regrets

EMDR Therapy is a holistic somatic (body & feeling) based psychotherapy that focuses on the healing nature of the brain’s and psyche’s adaptive systems.  The eye movements (bilateral stimulation) help process the rich (often) unconscious (both body and mind) material in a safe and effective manner.  [* Dissociation, DID will not be covered.]

In this presentation we’ll explore:

  • its therapeutic uses (what to ‘target’)                                               
  • EMDR’s 8-phase protocol  (hopefully, a demonstration)
  • With focus on how it heals or transforms (reprocesses)

Register or further info at:

Diane Hancox    M.A.  CCC    

Clinical Counsellor

250.586.7380                                

diane@corecounselling.ca           

 

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Honing Your Sword Participant Reviews

What participants are saying:

“Honing Your Sword is insightful and compelling. The lessons were clear, with a good balance of theory, examples and moments of personal reflection and Diane’s style is open and approachable. It’s a great journey of self-discovery and healing for those wanting to clear out their old, and maybe recent, ‘baggage.’”

“I highly recommend doing this course if one is ready to go deeper and is prepared to do the work in order to understand the unconscious “drivers” that rob one of living fully and in alignment with that question, “Who am I?”

“I feel like I have really moved forward in my understanding and processing of my shadow work.”

“This course is an excellent addition to ZOOM/in-person counselling! I feel like I have a greater understanding of the things we’ve covered during past sessions and I have a really good understanding of how my childhood – and the extent of what was lacking in positive parenting, the negative “messages” and the family “rules” that are part of my Shadow/unconscious.”

“After taking this course, I feel that I have a much deeper understanding of so many parts of the journey, including just how/what of my childhood experiences are still affecting me today. The ‘Pause and Reflect’ exercises were very helpful.”

“I gained a clearer understanding as a whole. Although I have had previous exposure to Jungian philosophies and have read books and watched videos, it has all been random and sporadic, based on my own interests. These modules have pulled all the different areas together into a comprehensive package. The flow was excellent; sequential and relevant.” 

“There is a lot of value there. The real value comes for someone who is seeking to do the ‘work’ particularly in the last two modules.”

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The Summer of 2021: Coming Back with Intention

As most of us will continue to experience the on-going lifting of Covid-19 restrictions, as well as perhaps having more time with the longer days of summer, why not approach these months with focused intention.

Let’s reflect on what that time may have been about from a psychological perspective.

We were all affected to some degree by the pandemic.  Our personal anxieties and fears were triggered, and no doubt amplified by the overall global (anxious) situation.  Our psyches were challenged, some of us truly entering the depths of our soul.  For some, it was re-traumatizing.  Many childhood wounds were activated, whether we were dealing with job and financial losses, government decisions, media coverage, and/or medical and safety concerns, etc.

We were asked to face our fears, to let go of some beliefs that no longer served us, learn what matters more or most, and to symbolically do some shedding of skins (personas or masks) that no longer fit who we are (this time round).

I say, ‘This time round’ as what we likely experienced was the cyclical process called the Hero’s Journey.  The pandemic (fate) initiated the call, whether we wanted it or not.  We resisted and yet, we had to go.  Into the depths we went – and faced some inner monsters (fears, parts of self, etc.) along the way.  We used all the tools and skills we had, gaining insights and clarity (treasures) along the way.

So, as we ‘return to normal,’ we hear that the normal will be a ‘new’ normal.  And rightfully so. IF we have gone into the depths, humbled into parts of our self, clarified our beliefs, and emerged with some gifts (truths) of self, we will return with vigor and new confidence in who we are and what we have to offer or bring to the world (service).

So, back to the summer.  What will you focus on?

What (fears, beliefs, negative cognitions, etc.) did you face and wrestle with during the pandemic?

What insights or lessons were learned?

How will you honour and integrate (prioritize and focus on) these new insights into your daily life?
How will you BE and what will you DO?

What did you learn?  For some, it was an appreciation of time by self and with children/family. Some learned that spending less (saving) was possible, preparing meals (and other food stuff) brought pleasure and increased energy, and spending more time in nature brought increased peace.  For others, cutting back on work led to better quality of life. 

We realized what and whom matters most and did some sorting of relationships, priorities and values.

And so, whatever insights you discovered, the task is to bring these new understandings forward, living your new, more integral, way in your relationships and community.

Part of my ‘Summer of 2021’ will be the production and launching of the on-line material I’ve been developing.  It has been a process!   The 4-Module program, now called Honing Your Sword will launch September 1st.  Find out about the content here.   August’s newsletter will give pre-launch details and an introductory price.

All the best to your Summer of 2021.  Peace

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Honing Your Sword 4-Module Outline COMING September 2021!

Module 1:  Introduction to Self – Connecting with Psyche     FREE!

This presentation introduces participants to the foundational concepts for the Honing Your Sword program and stand alone seminars. Using a Jungian or Depth Psychology perspective, you’ll learn about parts of the conscious and unconscious, how they were formed and the significance of its content in your life.  Most importantly, you’ll learn how Self reveals itself and thus, how to better relate and connect with it for personal insights and change.  

Lesson 1: Introduction to Self

Lesson 2:  The Divided Self

Lesson 3:  Our Inner Partners

Lesson 4:  How Psyche/Soul Speaks

Lesson 5:  Watch Your Words!

Lesson 6:  Dreams

Lesson 7:  The Body Talks – Anyone Listening?

Lesson 8:  Projection

Lesson 9:  Fate and Concluding Thoughts

 

Module 2:  Working with Shadow Projection

This could really be called, Dealing with Your Triggers and the Ownership of Your “Stuff.” This module takes an in-depth look at the Shadow – focusing on how to identify when shadow material is ‘up’ and what do to about it. Here we will learn about the ever-so important process of projection.  You’ll learn how to better handle ‘button-pushing’, triggering, and situations where you and/or others’ reactions “don’t fit the crime.”  This is the keystone for inner peace.

Lesson 1:  Revisiting Shadow and Projection

Lesson 2:  Examples of Projection

Lesson 3:  Disappointments and Resentments

Lesson 4:  Patterns in Our Lives

Lesson 5:  Review Video

Lesson 6:  Positive Projection

Lesson 7:  Receiving Projections

Lesson 8:  Collective Projection

Lesson 9:  Module Wrap Up

 

Module 3:  Revisiting Childhood – Our Haunting Wounds

You’ll explore the origins of your negative self-talk and the patterns, roles and beliefs that no longer serve you.  Deepen into who you truly are by claiming what you now believe – rewiring your pathways with the truth!  You’ll be guided through some deep reflective exercises.  What needs to be let go of?  What gets in the way?  Why is changing our narrative so difficult? 

Lesson 1:  Our Family of Origin:  What Happened

Lesson 2:  The Why (It Happened)

Lesson 3:  The Lasting Effects

Lesson 4:  Our Healing Truths

Lesson 5:  Dispelling the Family Myth

Lesson 6:  Module Wrap Up

 

Module 4:  The Individuating Self

The concept of Jung’s individuation will be explored; it’s function and how specifically it is showing up for you. You’ll reflect upon insights gained in the previous sessions, redefining who you are and what you are being asked to do to live more aligned with your True Self.  You’ll make a specific plan on how to honour Self (these insights) – opening to new, facing fears, removing blocks, asserting and setting boundaries with self and with others. 

Lesson 1:  Introduction to Individuation

Lesson 2:  The Call and Initiation

Lesson 3:  Into the Depths You Go!

Lesson 4:  The Rewards

Lesson 5:  The Return (Coming Home to Self)

Lesson 6:  Module and Program Wrap Up

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Revisiting Our Parents

Even if our (step)-parents are no longer alive, the body remembers our experiences with them, and our psyches can be stirred.  With Mother’s Day recently past and Father’s Day upon us, these days often evoke comfortable and uncomfortable feelings (regrets, guilt, resentments, disappointments and even anger).

Why not approach these (and any) days as consciously as possible.

Take a moment to get grounded, take a couple of deep breaths, and think of one of your parents.  What comes up?  Do a body scan and see what your body tells you?  What lingers deep inside or perhaps, right on the surface about how you feel and think about each of your parents?

In dealing with any hurt, anger and resentments, some good reflections to consider include:

  • What are your expectations (there will be some!) from your parents?
  • What need are you hoping to receive?
  • What are these expectations based upon?   (E.g., that’s what moms are supposed to do, It would be nice.)
  • Are the expectations rational?  Do they make sense based upon the history of their behaviour/abilities?
  • Look at any past/current disappointments – as disappointments are based upon unmet expectations.

Resentments are usually due to blaming others for something we did that we did not really want to do (not set a boundary) or that asks us to do something (set a boundary) that we really do not want to do.

The result is us brooding and projecting anger onto others. Clear these up!  Look at underlying reasons and beliefs that drive each resentment (e.g., If I don’t then what will people think?).

If we hold any anger towards our parents write down the reasons and specifics. If it happened as an adult, take ownership of your part in it.

If we are angry about what happened to us as a child, process the anger and no doubt, pain and sadness, around the incidents.  Name and mourn the losses – the emotions need to come OUT of the body.  This stored pain is toxic, and as discussed previously, leads to a myriad of physical and psychological dis-ease.

Know that most children, despite ‘good enough’ parenting, will emerge from childhood with pain, losses and negative adaptations (or learned conditioning or wounds or baggage). Get a clear picture, once and for all, of your parents.  Make the lists: ‘thank you’ for and ‘you could have done better.’

Note any resistance that exists in making the lists. Feel the feelings which emerge as you do this and go over and over until the feelings are no longer uncomfortable (neutral).  This will take time to process each ‘cut’.

Going further with the emotions arising from the ‘could have done better’ items, identify what you learned (the narrative) about yourself (e.g., I am bad, I am unlovable, I am not creative, etc.).  The work now is to re-parent yourself (e.g., make new and stronger positive neuropathways!) by stating the truth (e.g., I am good enough/OK, I am lovable, I am creative, etc.) over and over and over again.
Listen for any, “Yay, but …” that what to argue with the new truth.   Clear these up as well.

As long as we (including our inner child!) know and believe the truth about ourselves, and are cleared of past resentments, anger and guilt, the unpleasant memories and current dealings with parents will not haunt and trigger us. 

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The Blame Game

The concept of blame deals with not taking responsibility or ownership of our actions and intentions.

Blame is an excellent defense mechanism. Whether we call it projection, denial (“I didn’t do it!”) or displacement, blame helps preserve our sense of self-esteem by avoiding awareness of our own flaws or failings (shadow material). 

It’s often easier to blame someone else than to accept responsibility. There is less effort (at least until we get better practiced at becoming humble and taking responsibility) involved in recognizing our contributions to a situation than in accepting the fact that we are actually at fault.

Further, along with accepting the responsibility comes the increased awareness and efforts to then change the behaviour so it does not happen again (or less often).  ‘More work’ (says ego) and thus, it is more efficient (at least it initially seems) not to take responsibility.

Depending on the degree of this defense, blame can result in more of an attack, falling into the category of an unhealthy conflict resolution technique where we try to actually verbally hurt others (with the blame).

Another ‘easy way out’ reason that people don’t take responsibility is that people lie. It can be relatively easy just to lie and blame someone else even though you know you’re at fault.  This is especially true when the chance of the truth not being discovered is high. One does not even have to name someone else, merely saying “It wasn’t me,” suggests that it was someone else.

With the extreme inability to take responsibility (and thus, extremely likely to blame) comes the narcissist who, in their own eyes, can do no wrong. Everything wrong that happens around or to them, whether their own fault or not, is immediately blamed on other people. There exists an unwillingness to see any part they may play in the issue or incident. Denial is rampant!

Further, gaslighting occurs when the blamer turns the story around to make it seem like others are at fault, attempting to make others feel guilty (emotional manipulation).

When there is no one who could have conceivably caused the situation, we may blame fate or God/higher power.  We may feel that we are being tested or even punished. Be careful, as this may reinforce the victim, ‘poor me’ stance that blaming often places one in. Does there need to be any blame at all?

Be on the lookout for the fundamental attribution effect.  This shows up when we excuse ourselves for the same unbecoming behavior that we blame others for doing.  We attribute or blame others’ behaviour to internal personality traits (e.g., laziness when a nail is left on their driveway resulting in a flat tire) while attributing our own behaviour to external or situational factors (e.g., the wind blew the nail onto our driveway or “I was so busy doing something else.”).

We’ll end with a question to ponder: Does there really have to be any fault or blame (in certain circumstances)?   

“He who blames others has a long way to go on his journey.

He who blames himself is halfway there.

He who blames no one has arrived.”     Chinese Proverb