Diane Hancox

Archetypes & Myth

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The Aging Woman

What images and words come to mind when you hear the phrase ‘older woman’? Each of us carries an image based upon personal experiences and yet, this image is largely influenced by the media and society.

In Canada, women make up fifty-six percent of the over sixty-five population. However, older men appear in ads ten times more often than older women. Twenty-three percent of magazine readers are older women, yet fashion magazines portray women over the age of forty sparingly, if at all.

Images of women that do appear are often defined by women’s traditional social roles; those associated with marital status and their relationship to family. Women are seen limited to roles of grandmother, aunt, widow, host and caregiver. Responsibilities and tasks are serving others, other women and family – the devoted nurturer, with some recreation time.

We also see images of air-brushed sixty year old women who are portrayed traveling, romantically involved, and living a full social life. In reality, twenty-five percent of Canadian women aged sixty-five to seventy-nine live alone (14% of men do), while fifty-four percent of women over eighty live alone (24% of men).

These media driven images do not show an older woman which resonates with what some older women really desire. Many women experience a conflict between their own internal sense of self and the socially constructed perception of an older woman. However, this has not always been the case.

Historically, elder women held key cultural and societal roles such as midwives and advisors in health care. They were scribes, often responsible for sacred literature and libraries. They performed ceremonies, many of which included the tasks of funerary priestess and transitioning from life to death.

Early Gnostic-Christian scriptures included the wise Crone figure; a part of the female trinity (Virgin-Mother-Crone).  Mythology gives us Crone goddesses such as Hestia, Kali and Hecate.  The term hag, from the Greek hagia, originally meant “holy one.”

What has happened to the once respected Crone?

One theory is when Christianity entered, religion changed to a Father focused church, resulting in a divinity only to Son, Father and Holy Ghost.  The Virgin and Mother remained, but the Crone – the one that stares death in the face, and in her final chapters of life, turns away from man and moves towards self and personal growth – disappeared.

Older women (in their full potential) may have disappeared from the media; yet, it is the task of each woman to consciously discern how meaningfully visible or invisible she chooses to live her aging years.

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Wrestling with Our Inner Demons & Angels

The biblical story of Jacob wrestling an angel brings to mind the question – Why would someone be wrestling an angel in the first place?

We gain an understanding when we realize that Jacob has been a trickster most of his life. In fact, Jacob sounds like the Hebrew words for “heel” and “deceiver.” He tricked his brother, Esau, out of his birthright, and tricked his father out of Esau’s rightful blessing. Jacob later tricked his father-in-law, Laban, out of more than his share of their flocks.

Although Jacob fled his brother’s wrath and prospered, he was always aware that the unresolved issues with his brother would have to be addressed. As he returned to his familial land, he received word that Esau was coming to meet him with an army of men. Jacob sent his family and servants across the river for safety, and prepared for the dreaded yet necessary meeting.

Genesis 32 (NLT) stated: “Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, ‘Let me go, for the day is breaking.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.’

So he said to him, ‘What is your name?’ And he said, ‘Jacob.’ Then he said, ‘You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.’ Then Jacob asked him, ‘Please tell me your name.’ But he said, ‘Why is it that you ask my name?’ And there he blessed him.”

The confusion of pronouns makes it difficult to tell who is doing and saying what to whom. In fact, it is because Jacob is wrestling with himself – confronting his own guilt and anxiety for past actions. He could have stayed away and defended his former trickster ways to his brother, as was his previous ways. Ego would rather ignore repressed and deemed ‘bad’ parts of us (‘I don’t lie.’), however; ‘blessings’ come when we actually acknowledge our range of human traits.

Jacob is now able to confront his shadow traits (the parts that deceive, that need personal wealth and which Ego strongly defends). Having wrestled with the angel of his own conscience, Jacob is transformed.  His name changes from Jacob (the ‘supplanter’) to Israel, which means ‘the one who struggles with God.’

The line “I will not let you go unless you bless me,” tells the importance of facing our shadow work and communicating with our inner god – our true selves. As Jung noted, “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” We will eventually have to face and wrestle with our demons – our angel shadow material – if we are to become more whole and human.

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The Importance of Ritual during the Festive Season

Whether we begin to take out the Christmas decorations, start the gift-giving list or plan meals and getaways, the month of December is full of traditions and rituals.

Traditions, from the Latin traditione, means “delivery, surrender, a handing down or to hand over.”

Ritual, from the Latin ritus, refers to a “religious observance or ceremony, custom, or usage.” Although both tradition and ritual may be customs, the key here is ritual’s religious association which emphasises the underlying symbolic meaning behind the actions.

Traditions may be more habit, while rituals involve focused thought, purpose and intention. Ritual practice is as old as humanity, developing from people’s compelling need to understand and connect with the collective, even archetypal, unexplainable mysteries of life.

Since each family does things a bit different, rituals help give us a sense of belonging and identity to our families, both past and present. They provide something constant, stable, especially during these fast-paced times.

Even though rituals are mostly constant, they can grow and change over the years. As Edward Whitmont noted, “A genuine ritual, like a living symbol or a religious experience, cannot be fabricated; it can only be discovered.” Jungian analyst James Hollis agrees: “Rites are not invented. They are found, discovered, experienced.”

Although traditions may be more passive in nature, rituals are participatory. Author Donna Henes explains that “There is no way to benefit from a ritual by just watching it, or by reading or hearing about it. It must be experienced to be affective, or effective, for that matter.”

Regardless of the time of year, rituals and traditions tend to share the purpose of connecting with family, friends and our communities; reflecting upon the passings and embracing the time to come with hope.

When we take time to add ritual to our busy lives it produces order, harmony, patience and appreciation. Take a moment to look at the food, music, decorations and giving you do during this time of year. How might you change a tradition into a ritual?

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Puer & Puella: Time to grow up

Peter Pan, in J. M. Barrie’s classic 1904 play, shouted, “I’ll never grow up, I’ll never grow up!” He ventured to Never Neverland for adventures with mermaids and Captain Hook. Interesting to note, the play’s full title was “Peter Pan, or, The Boy Who Would Not Grow Up.”

Archetypically, this image of a boy reluctant to mature is referred to as Puer aeternus, Latin for “eternal boyhood.” Psychologically it refers to an adult man whose emotional life has remained at an adolescent level. He lives out experiences for their excitement, lives in fantasies, and ‘flies high.’

Trapped in his boyish ways, he has poor boundaries, flees from commitments and difficult situations, sees the world and himself through rose-colored glasses, and essentially resists growing up.

The Puer typically leads a provisional life, due to the fear of being caught in a situation from which he might not be able to escape. He covets independence and freedom, chafes at limits, and tends to find any restriction intolerable.

The Puer seeks casual, spontaneous and whimsical relationships. However, when these eventually do require responsibility or commitment he will end or run from them. He tends to feel a sense of satisfaction in being attacked by his female partner. He does not fight back, but prefers to retreat to his cave to brood.

The Puer’s female counterpart, Puella, is the archetypal image of “eternal girlhood.” This energy is often expressed in the perpetual little girl and in women afraid to grow old (although they will not admit it).

A Puella is somewhat reckless and impulsive, vacillates on making important decisions, and then, acts suddenly with almost immediate regret. She seeks the fountain of youth, tries new diets and make-up, and rarely tells her age. She plays the ‘buddy’ to her children and a girlish flirt to men.

Positive attributes of these archetypes bring enthusiasm, boundless energy to carry out a task, spontaneity, new ways of thinking and solving, and starting new paths. During individuation, a well-controlled person will need to get closer to this spontaneous, instinctual life. Conversely, at mid-life, the Puer/Puella person will need to grow up by gaining control and responsibility.

However, this youthful energy lacks wisdom, discernment, experience and staying power. All Puer/Puella ideas require the archetype of Senex/Crone (wise old man/woman) which preserves traditional values, control, rationality, and responsibility, and applies clear-headed judgment.

The wish to ‘never grow up’ – to live in paradise forever – is to refuse the transition from a fantastical child to a reality-oriented adult. What is required psychologically to overcome this desire to remain a child is the emergence of the “heroic” – a surge of ambition and energy that pushes one out of the security of the Garden of Eden to meet the exciting challenges offered by the real world.

The Hero courageously and trustingly asks for and takes up the challenges of real life. The Hero maturely accepts that life will bring both ascends and descends, rest and work, sorrow and joy.

He or she will be all grown-up.

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Summer Romance

The connection between romance and summer was suggested by the Canadian literary critic Northrop Frye. He associated the seasons with literary genres or plot forms which included comedy with spring, romance with summer, tragedy with autumn, and satire with winter. He also recognized the archetypal pattern and symbols that occur within each genre.

Romance and summer are paired because summer is the culmination of life in the seasonal calendar, and the romance genre culminates with some sort of triumph, usually a marriage. Symbols of summer (at least for the northern hemisphere) include idyllic and lush gardens filled with bountiful fruits, pastoral animals and gently running rivers.

However, it is romance’s idealistic nature that is key to understanding its psychological relevance.

Fyre noted that in romance “the ordinary laws of nature are slightly suspended.” This idealism results in the presence of beautiful heroes with super-human qualities and continual days of perfect weather. An attitude of hope, dreams coming true and wish-fulfillment abound. There is relief from the usual discomforts and anxieties. Could this be paradise?

When we fall in love or experience what is commonly called ‘romantic love,’ we enter the ‘summer’ of the relationship. In the early stages, everything seems perfect. What we barely know about the other person is filled in with our own hopes and wishes. “He will make my life better.” “She thinks I’m so special.”

This projection (or placing an ideal image onto the partner) is the stuff that romance (and heartache) is made from. This is especially so with on-line dating or with blind dates, as there are often huge voids in knowledge about the person. The boundary between what is real and what is wished for is blurred. The fantasy has been created.

Whether one puts lofty romantic expectations onto an event (e.g., a social outing, holiday) or onto a potential lover, this psychological phenomenon cannot last. Eventually, summer ends, greenery turns to autumn colours, the harvesting begins and winter’s barrenness approaches.

What are some of your expectations around summer (e.g., weather, activities, people and food)? Are these expectations realistic? How do you feel about those ‘perfect’ (or near perfect) days of summer? What is so appealing about these days? How do you feel about the approaching autumn?

Concerning a romantic partner, recall the early days in the relationship. What were you hoping so dearly for? How have those beginning expectations and illusions softened? What growth has come because of these shifts?

Death comes – it is inevitable. Idyllic fantasies fade and one must face all what life brings. Outside of summer’s illusions, situations and lovers must be picked apart, must be seen as they truly are. What helps is to approach summery experiences with a sacred attitude, maturely knowing that the illusion of endless carefree days will end and that no situation, season or person can be solely responsible for making us truly happy.

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The Archetypal Wedding – Why are Weddings So Magical?

June is the most popular month for weddings. Perhaps this is due to June being named after Juno, the ancient Roman goddess of marriage. Romans chose to honor this goddess by having their weddings in June and believed they would be showered with luck and good wishes if they did so.

Although referring to the wedding of Kate Middleton and Prince William, singer-songwriter Jim Cuddy stated, “I’m not usually interested in that [wedding] stuff, but I was entranced.” Indeed, weddings often captivate our attention when otherwise such romantic notions would not. What makes weddings so magical?

Cuddy’s song, “Everyone Watched the Wedding,” gives insights into the attraction to weddings. Whether it is Kate and William or our niece and her fiancé, the union of bride and groom temporarily propels us into the mythic realm. Cuddy writes that even observers of the wedding can be raised to mythical heights – “At least for one moment we were right there up above.”

On a psychological level, the desire to relate in love is an outward expression of the universal need for connection. Due to our childhood separation and subsequent angst from the original mother-child bond, we begin to seek love and relationship outside of ourselves.

Symbolically, the outer marriage represents the inner one – in which masculine and feminine psychic forces are integrated into our consciousness. This means that unconscious male and female roles and expectations are not projected onto partners but are acknowledged as parts of us to be further developed.

If the man’s inner feminine (which Jung called ‘anima’) and the woman’s inner masculine (‘animus’) have matured beyond stereotypical and restricting states, then these no longer interfere with outer relationships. We will not fall under the spell of unconscious gender based roles by playing the mother, little boy, bread-winner, supporter or seductress or expecting our partners to uphold similar roles.

Ideally, partners are equals and mutual guides rather than rescuers, heroes or the one who will ‘fix,’ ‘save’ or look after us. Each person honours his or her authentic self without changing to ‘be’ a certain way for the other, and supports the partner to do the same. And, if we do not resonate with what is presented we merely move on.

Images of the joining of opposites such as the sun and moon, the yin and the yang, and of king and queen symbolize this union of psychic forces. Gustav Klimt’s The Kiss is a lovely image of the combination of anima and animus, known as ‘syzygy.’

Through the individuation process previously disowned (and usually opposite gendered) qualities are integrated into our consciousness. We become whole or complete on our own and thus, have found our mate within.

Fairy tales and myths often symbolically represents the individuation process and purpose. Although the stories may end ‘happily ever after’ with marriage, it is only after the protagonist has ventured alone, undergone tasks and attained lost or newly revealed parts of him or herself.

As Rumi wrote, “Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere / They’re in each other all along.”

We’ll look closer at the anima and animus over the next two weeks.