Diane Hancox

Shadow & Collective Shadow

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Honing Your Sword Participant Reviews

What participants are saying:

“Honing Your Sword is insightful and compelling. The lessons were clear, with a good balance of theory, examples and moments of personal reflection and Diane’s style is open and approachable. It’s a great journey of self-discovery and healing for those wanting to clear out their old, and maybe recent, ‘baggage.’”

“I highly recommend doing this course if one is ready to go deeper and is prepared to do the work in order to understand the unconscious “drivers” that rob one of living fully and in alignment with that question, “Who am I?”

“I feel like I have really moved forward in my understanding and processing of my shadow work.”

“This course is an excellent addition to ZOOM/in-person counselling! I feel like I have a greater understanding of the things we’ve covered during past sessions and I have a really good understanding of how my childhood – and the extent of what was lacking in positive parenting, the negative “messages” and the family “rules” that are part of my Shadow/unconscious.”

“After taking this course, I feel that I have a much deeper understanding of so many parts of the journey, including just how/what of my childhood experiences are still affecting me today. The ‘Pause and Reflect’ exercises were very helpful.”

“I gained a clearer understanding as a whole. Although I have had previous exposure to Jungian philosophies and have read books and watched videos, it has all been random and sporadic, based on my own interests. These modules have pulled all the different areas together into a comprehensive package. The flow was excellent; sequential and relevant.” 

“There is a lot of value there. The real value comes for someone who is seeking to do the ‘work’ particularly in the last two modules.”

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Deepening into Your Covid-19 Experience

I sincerely hope you are all doing the best you can, handling any challenges with awareness and strength, and continue to deepen into what is ‘up’ for you and others.   

Let me start by acknowledging that although ‘we are all in this together,’ each of us is experiencing the pandemic along a wide range of situations. Some are financially unaffected while others are at risk of losing property and businesses.  Some are deeply concerned about high-risk loved ones or have even felt the loss of someone, while others have not been directly touched. While some may be savouring the increased time at home, others are at increased risk of intimate partner abuse, addictive behaviour and mental illness.

From my observations, it is clear that as our routines are altered and distractions reduced, whatever was bothering us before is now most likely staring us in the face.  Even if we find our lives busier (e.g., children/partner now at home), we lose that precious self-care time so necessary to keep any issues at bay or managed.

What is coming up for you?   Financial insecurity, unhealthy relationships, anxiety, depression, lack of meaning, boredom, anger, or perhaps the fear of death of others or of self.  Is anything really new for you in the discomfort?

Behind any discomfort lie our psyche’s complexes (those bundles of familiar historic emotions and beliefs) that beg for our attention – for change – in order to lessen our suffering. Here is an opportunity to sit with the uneasiness (on whatever level). Can we meet ourselves?

The pandemic beckons introversion – a conscious turning inward, with increased awareness of our feelings and thoughts. Then, with willingness and honesty, with courage and humility you can do the necessary work of putting your inner house in order.  

There will be losses.   For some, there already has been loss of wages, property, relationships, meaningful work and activities, and dreams.  Even if the losses are temporary or will inevitably come in the future, this is grief work. 

Hope and expectations have been shattered and we are more than a little ticked off!  It is important to name what is lost – the void – and feel your feelings and honest thoughts around them.  

It is not necessarily about what is lost but what feelings and beliefs they bring up in you. Statements emerge such as, “This isn’t fair!  This isn’t what I had planned!   Now what will I do?  Who am I if I can’t ______?”   Now we get closer to some core issues. Explore these statements and queries. Indeed, life isn’t fair.  And, you are more than what your job is or what you have in your bank account. 

Transitioning Self &Society      Part of the introversion requires us to clarify our wants, values, purpose, what brings us meaning and what matters most. Here is where some are recognizing any ‘silver linings’ in all this.

We see in self and others an increase in patience, being supportive, recognizing our interdependence, a healing Gaia, and a balancing of masculine and feminine principles. What are your ‘silver linings’ (if any)?   What have you learned?   What do you want to remember as you move forward?
 
Similar to facing our own ‘stuff,’ there is also the exposure, perhaps like never before, of political, societal and collective (they are all the same to some degree) cracks or shadow material. Treatment of certain sectors and populations, wage inequities, how we act in shopping lines, the comments slipped out about ‘them,’ etc. are in the spotlight, with energy (media coverage, funding) being placed upon this other side of human behaviour, with transformation already happening.

Jungian Murray Stein, in a recent interview, images an “Umbra Mundi” – a world shadow hovering over the globe.  In alchemical terms it is nigredo – a process in which all ingredients have to be cleansed and cooked extensively to a uniform black matter before any transformation can occur. 

Like the newly exposed silver linings, it will take personal and collective perseverance to prevent any dimming of the spotlight or tarnishing of lining insights, changes and progress made to date.

We talk about the ‘new normal,’ how it already feels better in some ways, yet, will you (society, government) sustain these insights?   Will the supportiveness to others, less spending, enjoying our morning coffee at home, etc. go back to business as usual?  Remember that ‘normal’ does not equate to healthy or functional.  What might Ego be resisting as this ‘new normal’ unfolds (even if temporary)?

And why might we be so sad?  [I’m seeing this a lot!]
Most often current loss touches upon past losses evoking memories (flashbacks) accompanied by their associated feelings and cognitions. This stirring, often unconscious, often amplifies and distorts the current grief – a grief bundle may form.  Thus, it is important to sort out what specific loss one is grieving in the moment and what feelings one is actually feeling.  Often there are unresolved feelings (guilt, anger, resentment) and thoughts (“I should have done more” or “I was so stupid!”) with these past losses/decisions that may or may not coincide with the current grief. 

Trauma Response   And, while we are here, many of the losses, past and present, were and are traumatic, so in fact the pandemic may be re-traumatizing or traumatizing for some people.

The pandemic is invisible, universal, mysterious, and terrifying, with a component of lack of control. Does this remind you of any past situation?  Core trauma concerns of safety, helplessness and unpredictability, as well as victim energy may surface. We can change helplessness by being productive and doing what we can.  Unpredictability can be altered by setting schedules and adding structure to the day.

Watch for flight, fight or freeze behaviour – all natural and normal trauma responses. Anxiety and fear provoke anger, aggression, panic and paranoia.  We may dissociate by numbing, withdrawing, zoning out or being in denial.  Our aim is for emotional regulation or stability (staying in that window of tolerance) achieved by healthy and conscious means.
 
Whether stressed or traumatized, the key is to get grounded/calm and to stay grounded.  We calm both the body and the mind.  Breathing techniques, any type of meditation or mindfulness activity, stop thoughting, energy work, and moving the body need to be part of the daily routine.

Creativity also plays an important role in processing emotions – incorporate dance, singing, drumming, howling, play, writing, cooking, and art into your life.  Dosing these along with other self-care activities 12 times throughout your day is better than doing something for say 2 hrs and then believing “that’s it.”

To calm the mind.  It is helpful to recognize core issues (safety, control, scarcity, abandonment, not enough, victim, etc.) that are surfacing and have rational, ‘go to’ statements ready.  This can be as simple as, “I am safe, now.”   Or, “I’ll make the best of what money I have.”

Deepen into values, beliefs and virtues (acceptance, gratitude, kindness, integrity, service, etc.) with these statements.  These can then be part of daily intentions, prayer and meditation. Examples include:

  • “I am where I am because this is exactly where I am supposed to be (on this journey called life).”
  • “Even though I am feeling (anxious, overwhelmed, scared), I unconditionally love and accept myself.”  [This statement is from EFT tapping protocol.]
  • “In the worst case scenario, I will …  “
  • “I am grateful for …..”
  • “I trust that I will …”

We may not know where this pandemic will take us, yet each of us can decide how we are going to handle whatever comes. Some advice – “When one can see no future, all one can do is the next right thing.”  (Pabbie, in Frozen II)

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Facing Homelessness

Psychologically, the image of a house is a symbol of our self. The condition of the house in a dream (and in our waking reality) indicates the state of our psychic home. We assess: Whose space are we occupying?, What is going on in it?, and What is the condition of it?  Are things in order or cluttered?  What needs attention?

The nostalgic longing-for-home theme is archetypal and has deep psychological meaning. It resonates with poet John Newman’s thought, “The night is dark, and I am far from home.”

Indeed.  All people desire the basic human right to a secure shelter, and a sense of community and belonging.  What about people who do not have the basic human need of reliable and comfortable shelter – the homeless?

We often have difficulty acknowledging homelessness and interacting with homeless people.

R. C. Coates, author of The Street is Not a Home, suggested that the homeless represent “the shadow, the darker, the harsher side of life and humanity.” It is a side which many people find uncomfortable.

Homelessness often evokes fears of abandonment and social alienation, represents the loss of family and government support, and exemplifies the lack of autonomy. Our worst fantasies may involve the loss of our money, status and material belongings. How would I survive? Who would look after me?  How would people look at me?

Homelessness also represents society’s shadow material.  It reveals biased rigid and negative attitudes towards people, often those with mental health and addiction issues. We can be afraid of ourselves becoming homeless as well as being afraid of homeless people themselves. What are you afraid of? Are these fears based on reality and facts or on an irrational stereotype?  What and from whom did you learn about homelessness? Does one hold a belief that “they ought to just go get a job” or “giving them money enables them”? (What would $2 allow you to do?)

Stereotypical views stigmatize “those” people, often without knowing the truth about the dynamics and factors contributing to homelessness.

Homelessness is usually the result of the cumulative impact of a number of factors, rather than a single cause.  Factors include:

Structural factors are economic and societal issues that affect opportunities and social environments. Key factors include the lack of adequate income, access to affordable housing and health supports and/or the experience of discrimination.

People who are poor are frequently unable to pay for necessities such as housing, food, childcare, health care, and education and can mean a person is one illness, one accident, or one paycheck away from living on the streets. Do you know anyone in a similar position?

Systems failures occur when other systems of care and support fail, requiring vulnerable people to turn to the homelessness sector, when other mainstream services could have prevented this need.

Examples of systems failures include difficult transitions from child welfare, inadequate discharge planning for people leaving hospitals, corrections, mental health and addictions facilities, and a lack of support for immigrants, refugees and even military personnel (2% of Canadian homeless are veterans).

Individual and relational factors apply to the personal circumstances of a homeless person, and may include: traumatic events (e.g. house fire (e.g., Fort McMurray [300 homeless] or job loss), personal crisis (e.g. family break-up or domestic violence), mental health and addictions challenges (which can be both a cause and consequence of homelessness), and physical health problems or disabilities.

An Urban Institute report noted that “virtually every study shows that adverse childhood experiences (ACE) are strong predictors of homelessness.” These traumatic experiences include physical, psychological and sexual abuse, household substance abuse, domestic violence, family mental illness and the loss of a parent. In homeless under the age of 18, many indicate abuse as the primary factor for leaving their previous home.

One worldwide best practices approach to the homeless situation is using The Housing First program which is based upon these key principles:

  1. Immediate access to permanent housing with no housing readiness requirements.This involves directly helping clients locate and secure safe and permanent housing as rapidly as possible. Housing is not conditional on sobriety or abstinence or any other ‘readiness’ criteria.
  2. Offering clients choice and self-determination in housing and supports. Clients must be given choice in terms of housing options as well as the services they wish to access.
  3. A recovery orientation focuses on individual well-being, and ensures that clients have access to a range of supports that enable them to nurture and maintain social, recreational, educational, occupational and vocational activities.
  4. Individualized and client-driven supports.Individuals should be provided with “a range of treatment and support services that are voluntary, individualized, culturally-appropriate, and portable (e.g. in mental health, substance use, physical health, employment, education)” (Goering et al., 2012:12).
  5. Social and community integration. This helps people integrate into their community and requires socially supportive engagement and the opportunity to participate in meaningful activities.

Homelessness is not merely providing people will a secure living space.  It is creating a space which fosters connection and belonging, hope and sense of self – much of which have been shattered by the very factors which have contributed to homelessness.

Solving homelessness is a two-pronged approach – the provision of housing and the necessary support services – the merging of home with soul.

See http://homelesshub.ca/ for more information.

 

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Learning from Our Projections

You may often be fascinated by finding images seen in the shapes and textures of clouds. Is that the profile of Gandhi or a rabbit? The well-known Rorschach inkblot psychological test works in this manner. How do you get from that cluster of clouds or blob of ink to a distinct image?

When unrecognizable images are shown to you, your conscious mind cannot logically figure them out. In order to make sense of the image you use ideas that emerge mainly from your unconscious in a process calledprojection.

As author Anaïs Nin succinctly noted: “We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Projection occurs when your unconscious feelings, qualities and thoughts are placed onto external people, situations and objects. Remember, unconscious material are qualities which your ego does not appreciate as they do not suit what your ego thinks you are.

Therefore, rather than take ownership of these qualities, out they go. “I’m not like that!” exclaims your ego. Because projection deals with unknown and disowned parts of yourself, awareness and reflection of projection can lead to great personal insights.

Take the example of being at a four-way stop and observing a driver doing a rolling-stop before proceeding through the intersection with no chance of hitting or harming anyone. You immediately feel angry and are in disbelief as to how someone might do this.

In working with the projection, start with any feelingsthat arise in you. In this scenario, it might be shock, resentment, and anger. Go further by asking yourself, “What specifically were these feelings about?” Possible replies to the resentment might be, “It’s not fair!” or “How dare they not follow the rules.”

Take the projection further back. Remember, if this is shadow material, you are either over or undervaluing the quality. Ask yourself, “Where in my life am I doing too much or not enough of this trait?” In this case, you might ask, “How do I follow the rules too much? Where am I breaking the rules and don’t admit it?” Pay attention to the feelings. “Where I am feeling some unfairness? How am I being unfair to myself or to someone else?”

Throughout your daily interactions with others and even with your solitary tasks, projection shows the ego unknown qualities of yourself. The strong reaction to the incomplete stop indicates it is shadow material. If your ego was comfortable with not following the rules sometimes or understood that sometimes life is unfair, then there would not have been such an intense reaction.

In the case above, your ego might outwardly adhere to rules, but inwardly, unconsciously, your soul is letting you know, “Hey, that’s not so bad. Let’s try that once in a while.”

Projection also occurs around qualities deemed favourable. You can enviously admire someone for their creative ability and yet not realize your own. Taking the projection back, ask yourself, “Where am I creative? In what aspect of my life do I need to introduce some creative energy?”

Partners, friends, co-workers and strangers evoke reactions in you in order to increase your self-awareness.Your task is to claim these projections. As the poet Anne Waldman wrote, “Thе problem wіth уου iѕ thе problem wіth mе.”

Jung stated that to “confront a person with thеіr shadow іѕ tο ѕhοw thеm thеіr οwn light.” When you face yουr shadowy elements іt humanizes you, allowing you to be more compassionate and accepting of yourself and others.

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Working with Our Projections

We are born with all the human traits; greed and generosity, productivity and idleness, and, organization and spontaneity. However, in order to be accepted into our childhood family we learned very early which qualities were valued more than others and which were perhaps, not even allowed.

We may have been told, ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘You’re the responsible one.’ This one-sided limiting attitude sends some traits deep into our unconscious while prizing others. Parts of us are now seen as ‘good’ while others (e.g., crying, being reckless) are now deemed ‘bad.’

These so-called bad traits are called shadow material. When we see these traits in others or in ourselves, we become uncomfortable, anxious and even upset. This occurs when someone ‘pushes our buttons,’ when we talk incessantly about something or someone, or when we scold ourselves for spilling something.

This intense emotional reaction that does not fit-the-crime is called projection. What underlies such a strong reaction?

Let’s take the example of being at a four-way stop and observing a driver doing a rolling-stop before proceeding safely through the intersection. You immediately feel agitated and are in disbelief as to how someone might do this. Do what? What exactly are we upset about?

In this scenario, we might feel shock, resentment and anger. We may think, “How dare they not follow the rules” or “That’s not fair!”

Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. Remember, if this is shadow material, we are reacting to a trait that we do not accept. If we were truly comfortable with sometimes not following the rules or understood that sometimes life is unfair, then there would not have been such an intense reaction.

We can go further here. Ask yourself, “How do I follow the rules too much? Where am I breaking the rules and don’t admit it?” We might outwardly adhere to rules, but inwardly, something inside us (our soul) is letting us know, “Hey, that’s not so bad. Let’s try that once in a while.”

We can also project strong favourable emotions onto others. For example, we may enviously admire someone for their creativity and yet not realize our own. In this case, we ask, “Where am I creative? Where in my life do I need to introduce some creative energy?”

What bothers us about someone is actually a quality we have not fully owned. When we face our shadow traits, it allows us to be more compassionate and accepting of our self and others.

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Wrestling with Our Inner Demons & Angels

The biblical story of Jacob wrestling an angel brings to mind the question – Why would someone be wrestling an angel in the first place?

We gain an understanding when we realize that Jacob has been a trickster most of his life. In fact, Jacob sounds like the Hebrew words for “heel” and “deceiver.” He tricked his brother, Esau, out of his birthright, and tricked his father out of Esau’s rightful blessing. Jacob later tricked his father-in-law, Laban, out of more than his share of their flocks.

Although Jacob fled his brother’s wrath and prospered, he was always aware that the unresolved issues with his brother would have to be addressed. As he returned to his familial land, he received word that Esau was coming to meet him with an army of men. Jacob sent his family and servants across the river for safety, and prepared for the dreaded yet necessary meeting.

Genesis 32 (NLT) stated: “Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, ‘Let me go, for the day is breaking.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go unless you bless me.’

So he said to him, ‘What is your name?’ And he said, ‘Jacob.’ Then he said, ‘You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.’ Then Jacob asked him, ‘Please tell me your name.’ But he said, ‘Why is it that you ask my name?’ And there he blessed him.”

The confusion of pronouns makes it difficult to tell who is doing and saying what to whom. In fact, it is because Jacob is wrestling with himself – confronting his own guilt and anxiety for past actions. He could have stayed away and defended his former trickster ways to his brother, as was his previous ways. Ego would rather ignore repressed and deemed ‘bad’ parts of us (‘I don’t lie.’), however; ‘blessings’ come when we actually acknowledge our range of human traits.

Jacob is now able to confront his shadow traits (the parts that deceive, that need personal wealth and which Ego strongly defends). Having wrestled with the angel of his own conscience, Jacob is transformed.  His name changes from Jacob (the ‘supplanter’) to Israel, which means ‘the one who struggles with God.’

The line “I will not let you go unless you bless me,” tells the importance of facing our shadow work and communicating with our inner god – our true selves. As Jung noted, “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size.” We will eventually have to face and wrestle with our demons – our angel shadow material – if we are to become more whole and human.