Diane Hancox

depth psychology

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Honing Your Sword 4-Module Outline COMING September 2021!

Module 1:  Introduction to Self – Connecting with Psyche     FREE!

This presentation introduces participants to the foundational concepts for the Honing Your Sword program and stand alone seminars. Using a Jungian or Depth Psychology perspective, you’ll learn about parts of the conscious and unconscious, how they were formed and the significance of its content in your life.  Most importantly, you’ll learn how Self reveals itself and thus, how to better relate and connect with it for personal insights and change.  

Lesson 1: Introduction to Self

Lesson 2:  The Divided Self

Lesson 3:  Our Inner Partners

Lesson 4:  How Psyche/Soul Speaks

Lesson 5:  Watch Your Words!

Lesson 6:  Dreams

Lesson 7:  The Body Talks – Anyone Listening?

Lesson 8:  Projection

Lesson 9:  Fate and Concluding Thoughts

 

Module 2:  Working with Shadow Projection

This could really be called, Dealing with Your Triggers and the Ownership of Your “Stuff.” This module takes an in-depth look at the Shadow – focusing on how to identify when shadow material is ‘up’ and what do to about it. Here we will learn about the ever-so important process of projection.  You’ll learn how to better handle ‘button-pushing’, triggering, and situations where you and/or others’ reactions “don’t fit the crime.”  This is the keystone for inner peace.

Lesson 1:  Revisiting Shadow and Projection

Lesson 2:  Examples of Projection

Lesson 3:  Disappointments and Resentments

Lesson 4:  Patterns in Our Lives

Lesson 5:  Review Video

Lesson 6:  Positive Projection

Lesson 7:  Receiving Projections

Lesson 8:  Collective Projection

Lesson 9:  Module Wrap Up

 

Module 3:  Revisiting Childhood – Our Haunting Wounds

You’ll explore the origins of your negative self-talk and the patterns, roles and beliefs that no longer serve you.  Deepen into who you truly are by claiming what you now believe – rewiring your pathways with the truth!  You’ll be guided through some deep reflective exercises.  What needs to be let go of?  What gets in the way?  Why is changing our narrative so difficult? 

Lesson 1:  Our Family of Origin:  What Happened

Lesson 2:  The Why (It Happened)

Lesson 3:  The Lasting Effects

Lesson 4:  Our Healing Truths

Lesson 5:  Dispelling the Family Myth

Lesson 6:  Module Wrap Up

 

Module 4:  The Individuating Self

The concept of Jung’s individuation will be explored; it’s function and how specifically it is showing up for you. You’ll reflect upon insights gained in the previous sessions, redefining who you are and what you are being asked to do to live more aligned with your True Self.  You’ll make a specific plan on how to honour Self (these insights) – opening to new, facing fears, removing blocks, asserting and setting boundaries with self and with others. 

Lesson 1:  Introduction to Individuation

Lesson 2:  The Call and Initiation

Lesson 3:  Into the Depths You Go!

Lesson 4:  The Rewards

Lesson 5:  The Return (Coming Home to Self)

Lesson 6:  Module and Program Wrap Up

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What Lurks in Your Shadow?

We are born whole, with all the pairs of human traits such as greed and generosity, productivity and idleness, and with the capacity to feel the range of emotions, from grief to joy. However, in order to be accepted and have our basic childhood needs met we learned very early which qualities were valued and which were unacceptable.

We may have been told, ‘Don’t cry’ or ‘You’re the responsible one.’ This one-sided attitude splits the pairs of opposite traits, exiling some qualities, abilities and feelings into the unconscious while overvaluing others. Parts of us, now deemed ‘bad,’ were repressed into the unconscious becoming shadow material.

The shadow is composed of all the traits or qualities that we have difficulty admitting we have. When we see these traits in others or in ourselves, we become uncomfortable, anxious and even fearful. We then use a number of defense mechanisms to avoid taking ownership of these traits.

One way in which we avoid owning our shadow material is by placing it onto others through a process called projection. Projection occurs when unconscious feelings, qualities and thoughts are placed onto external people, situations and objects.

Remember, unconscious material are qualities which our ego does not appreciate as they do not suit what our ego thinks we are. For example, if we value a very strong work ethic then we may find ourselves repeatedly complaining about a co-worker’s lack of dedication.

We have difficulties owning our shadow material. Ego exclaims, “I’m not like that!” and out that quality goes, placed onto others. What bothers us about someone is actually a quality we have not fully owned. As Jung noted, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

Outwardly, our egos confidently uphold our punctuality; however, the bothered reaction shows that our egos are in fact not strong enough to face (in this case) its own tardiness. We are not mature enough to say, “I accept that sometimes I can be late.” Further, the projection lets us know, “Hey, that’s not so bad. Let’s try that once in a while.”

Projection also occurs around qualities deemed favourable. We can enviously admire someone for his or her creative ability and yet not realize our own. Taking the projection back, we ask, “Where am I creative? In what aspect of my life do I need to introduce some creative energy?”

Partners, friends, co-workers and strangers evoke reactions in us in order to increase our self-awareness. Our task is to claim these projections. As the poet Anne Waldman wrote, “Thе problem wіth уοu iѕ thе problem wіth mе.”

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The Many Sides of Forgiveness

We are familiar with poet Alexander Pope’s saying, “To err is human; to forgive, divine,” yet there are differing views on the exact role of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is achievable; however, it takes time – months and even years. The process of forgiveness comprises six common elements. First, there is an injury or violation with subsequent emotional and/or physical pain. Second, the violation results in a broken relationship between the involved parties. Third, the injury is stopped.

Fourth, there is an understanding or reframing of the painful event within a fuller context. Fifth, there is a release or letting go of justifiable emotions (e.g., hurt, anger, blame, shame, resentment) and retaliation related to the event. Sixth, there is a renegotiation of the relationship.

Archetypal psychologist James Hillman views forgiveness as a humanistic attempt to forget the truth in order to relieve the ego’s guilt. He suggests that forgiveness offers the option of avoiding genuine pain, as it is easier to forgive and ‘get on with it’ than confront conflict or go deeply into the pain caused by the offense.

Demanding forgiveness seems equivalent to asking that what happened did not really happen. Forgiveness is not about covering up or denying feelings. As writer Alice Duer Miller stated, “Genuine forgiveness does not deny anger but faces it head-on.”

Similarly, concerning abuse, Bass and Davis, authors of the book, “The Courage to Heal,” stated forgiveness often denies and minimizes survivors’ feelings. “Trying to forgive is a futile short-cut to the healing process. . . . Forgiveness is not the grand prize, it is only a by-product.”

Wayne Dyer noted, “If I think I need to forgive someone, I must have blamed” them. Moreover, if the need to forgive ourselves is present, then a part of us must be blaming us. We ask – Did the person or I really do anything wrong? Is anyone truly at fault? Does there even need to be blame or guilt? What role did I have in the situation?

Psychologist Jared Pingleton views forgiveness as surrendering the right to retaliate following an injury. Forgiveness “recognizes, anticipates and attempts to alleviate or lessen our universal, almost reflexive tendency for retaliation and retribution in the face of hurt and pain.”

Forgiveness offers freedom from hatred and resentment through the deep acceptance of all aspects of humanness in both self and others. Significant reduction of charged emotions toward the offender is the outcome as one transcends once believed perceptions. In this case, justice transforms to a higher order as ego’s talionic (‘eye-for-an-eye’) need for revenge is released.

How do we know if we have fully forgiven? Jungian Clarissa Pinkola Estes suggests, “You tend to feel sorrow over the circumstance instead of rage, you tend to feel sorry for the person rather than angry with him. You tend to have nothing left to say about it all.”

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The Archetypal Father

Archetypes are unconscious universal forms and ideas that take on meaning within a certain culture. The Father is one of the main psychological archetypes.

Images of piercing and penetration such as a phallus, knife, spear, arrow and ray all relate to Father. The sun and rain symbolically represent the masculine principle of the fertilizing forces that impregnate the dark receptive earthiness of the great Mother.

Feathers, birds, wind, airplanes and everything connected to flying or height are symbolic of the masculine upper realms. Illumination of the face, crowns, and dazzling brilliance of any kind are symbolic aspects of the masculine.

The Father archetype takes the form of God, any god, giant, tyrant, king, judge, doctor, executioner, devil, leader, holy man, boss, wise old man, and of course, father. As with any archetype, both light and dark aspects exist.

The positive aspect of the Father principle suggests law, order, discipline, rationality, understanding and inspiration. When our inner authority figure is supportive, dreams bring capable, benevolent and helpful kings, firefighters, healers and guides.

The Father archetype combines the capacity for initiating with the ability to oversee others, whether a biological family or a group of creative people (e.g., staff). A positive father guides and protects those under his care and is able to put ideas into fruition.

Examples of the light Father archetype include Gregory Peck in “To Kill a Mockingbird,” Bill Cosby in “The Cosby Show,” and Colin Firth in “The King’s Speech.”

The shadow Father emerges when the caring guidance and protection turns into abuse of authority. The negative Father archetype involves rigidity, control and a cold intellectual way of relating. This leads to ego and intellectual inflation and a state of hubris (remember the Titanic!).

The negative Father has grandiose thoughts of transcendence and results in a fate similar to Icarus. Although warned about the dangers of flying too high, Icarus soared too close to the sun, plummeting back to the earth – restoring a much-needed degree of feminine groundedness.

Examples of the dark side of Father include Marlon Brando in “The Godfather,” James Gandolfini in “The Sopranos,” and Darth Vader in “Star Wars.”

Our fathers represent the figure of original authority and strength (or lack of it) in our lives. Therefore, the Father archetype we uphold in our psyches indicates how we feel about being capable, productive and creative in the outer world. What did you learn about ‘being masculine’ from your childhood and continue to learn from society or other sources?

How does the masculine appear in your dreams? Is he helpful or interfering? What qualities (e.g., greed, leadership) do you admire in the male figures you respect? Become aware of the messages from your inner Judge and King. What authoritarian scripts are ruling your beliefs and actions?

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Finding Your Own Path – Individuation

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

These lines from Robert Frost’s poem, ‘The Road Not Taken,’ suggest that there are two roads in life – a personal, individual and less travelled one and a collective, popular one where most people have chosen to tread.

From a depth psychological perspective, when we choose the path that takes us away from the usual way, we have chosen the path of individuation. Jung used the term individuation “to denote the process by which a person becomes a psychological ‘in-dividual,’ that is, a separate, indivisible unity or ‘whole.’”

Jung believed that there is something in the human psyche that perseveres to bring about our “true personality” – who we are born to be. However, how do we undertake the process of individuation?

As adults, we are (supposedly) free to make choices based upon who we truly are and not those determined by societal, familial, cultural or religious doctrines.

Individuation, as Jungian analyst Jolande Jacobi states, “demands the rejection of those prefabricated psychic matrices” in which we have lived our lives. The ‘shoulds,’ ‘have to,’ ‘musts,’ expectations and obligations are questioned and replaced by ‘wants,’ passions, ‘feels right to me,’ and compassion for self and others.

The task is to make conscious all the possibilities we were born with that were split off and repressed through childhood wounding. We now turn inward, towards the wisdom of our intuition, body symptoms, feelings, and images from dreams. We scrutinize the patterns in our behaviour. We begin to choose from within, something most of us are not practiced in doing.

Jacobi writes in her book, ‘The Way of Individuation,’ “In the individuation process it is always a matter of something obsolete that must be left behind to die in order that the new may be born.” This concept resonates with Goethe’s line, “Die and become. Until you have learned this you are but a dull guest on this dark planet.”

As we individuate, the falsity of previous beliefs, roles, personas and how we have lived our lives fades and dies a much-needed death. Dreams often bring images of dying, death, burials and funerals.

Individuation gives permission for everyone to live according to his or her own direction, passions, and unique fullness despite being different from the collective norm. As Jacobi states, individuation “can make meaningful the lives of those people who suffer from the feeling that they are unable to come up to the collective norms and collective ideals.”

As the Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu stated, “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.” What role, belief or habit do you need to let go of in order to step closer to who you truly are?

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Kairos – the time is now

The ancient Greeks had two terms for time – ‘chronos’ and ‘kairos.’ Chronos refers to the human-made, measurable and predicable chronological or sequential time. It is associated with clocks and calendars.

Kairos, on the other hand, means the ‘right or opportune moment’ – a moment of undefined time in which something special happens. It is mysterious, unpredictable and often occurs in the ‘nick of time.’

Kairos, the youngest child of Zeus, was the god of opportunity; thus, kairos is the opportune time and/or place to do the appropriate thing.

Caroline Myss describes kairos time as “soul time.” When you work in kairos time, situations flow, synchronicities occur and there exists the opportunity for you to “restructure, resettle, reorganize and heal yourself.”

When we are in kairos, we are working from abundance, acceptance, trust, wonder and hope. There is a trusting that something beyond ego is at hand and we often feel as if ‘something is in the air.’

We cannot force kairos or the right moment, we merely know it will happen when it is suppose to. As the inventor of the frozen French fry, Jack Simplot stated, “When the time is right, you just got to do it.”


When we are aligned with the universe, we overcome our fears and intrinsically know, as singer Rick Springfield noted, “If the timing’s right and the gods are with you, something special happens.”

No matter how much ego thinks it knows what and when events should happen, this way of directing life never works. When we force events, trickster energy will balance this rigidity and control with chaos or misdirection.

Recall times in your life where jobs, people and items appeared ‘out of the blue’ and in a truly appreciative and synchronistic way. In most cases, they transcended what your ego was striving for.

On a collective level, Jung saw kairos as a changing of the fundamental societal principles or worldview. He viewed this change as happening with a kind of evolutionary necessity, beyond our conscious choice, and occurring at critical times in human existence.

Currently, we find ourselves in a place of kairos – a time where existing worldviews that have shaped the current understanding of how we see the world and ourselves are undergoing a radical change. It is a time that summons a ‘just in the nick of time’ shift.

Jung also viewed the outcome of this collective shift as being dependant upon how each individual grapples with his or her own making sense of or finding meaning in life.

During the task of individuation (next week’s topic), we are asked and required to move against ego’s habitual ideas about how things are and to reject many of the accepted norms of society. The cracks in our previous cultural and societal myths begin to appear, prompting the formation of new ones.

Today, both chronos and kairos times are prompting us to shift our individual and collective thinking. As the scholar Hillel wrote, ‘If not you, who? And if not now, when?’