Diane Hancox

Articles

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The Public You is a Compromise – The Persona

Oceanside Star February 24, 2011      The actor Claire Danes recently stated, “The life of my persona has nothing to do with me.” 

In Latin, persona originally meant a mask worn by actors to indicate the role they played. Carl Jung used the term persona to represent the ‘I’ that one presents to society. It is also the ‘I’ that society expects us to show it.  Like the theatrical mask, the persona gives an indication of what the person is like. It helps define who we are which is helpful in social settings. In different situations we put on different masks such as Husband, Father, Son, Coach, Entertainer, or Boss.

The persona is useful in that it mediates between our true self and society and acts as a protective covering. However, the persona is actually a compromise between what a person really is and what society expects the person to be.

Neptune, the Roman god of the sea, is often referred to as masked. We know that beneath the sea’s tranquil surface deceitfully hides its underlying turbulence. So, what is the cost of our personal deception?

When we over identify with a persona we lose sight of who we are. We take on roles, complete with a set of standard ‘shoulds’ and ‘musts’ associated with each one. We begin to act in a predetermined way according to the expectations rather than how we truly want to feel and act.

When ego becomes too attached to the persona, a person loses sight of other aspects of their self. These neglected yet necessary traits remain further hidden or entrenched in the unconscious. Dreams or outer situations may start to present symbols of dress, armor, veils, and shields. Distinct roles such as Teacher, President, Server, or Caregiver may also become more noticeable. 

As one moves farther away from our soul or true self a huge psychic division occurs. This may lead to loss of meaning, depression, emotional outbursts, increased body distress and addictive behaviours. As the division widens, one may begin to feel trapped, crazy, or stuck.

A phase in life when persona is noticeably challenged is during mid-life. Upholding the roles of Super-Parent, Good Daughter, Loyal Supporter or Carefree Wanderer for decades may cause the soul to finally shout, “Enough!” One may reach a crisis, exclaiming, “I’m not going to do this anymore!”

As we leave the sea’s calm surface and dive into the turbulent depths we ask our self questions, perhaps for the first time, “Who am I?,” and “How do I really want to live my life?” As Ralph Waldo Emerson stated, “Tο bе yourself іn a world thаt іѕ constantly trying tο mаkе уου something еlѕе іѕ thе greatest accomplishment.”

In Italian per sonare means ‘to sound through.’ Perhaps this is a more soulful way of looking at persona. Instead of a mask, it’s a way of being so that the voice of our true self comes through.

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Connection with your Dreams

Originally published, Oceanside Star, January 27, 2011

According to Carl Jung, “The dream is a little hidden door in the innermost and most secret recesses of the psyche.”

Dreams are one way in which the Self or soul sends unconscious material to our awareness. They symbolically show you previously unknown qualities that need enhancing or down-playing. Dreams offer helpful and often profound insights about how you are dealing with current situations. Their purpose is personal growth and balance. So, how do we better connect with our dreams?

First, a dream, like any unconscious material, is approached with an attitude of curiosity versus wanting to find answers. James Hillman, author of The Soul’s Code stated, “A dream tells you where you are, not what to do.”     

A key factor in remembering dreams is the desire to remember them. Upon waking lie still, keep your eyes closed and remember where you just were. As images and ideas are recalled write down as much as you can without any editing or judgment. Even if all you recall is a single image, feeling, or theme, write it down. These dream fragments are still rich with meaning.

Most dream work begins with making associations to the dream characters and objects. Give descriptive words or qualities for people, settings and objects in the dream. Are there any memories connected to these dream items? Try to capture its essence in one or two words, such as ‘young rebel’ or ‘wide-open field.’

At the same time, recall any feelings connected to the dream?  How do the dreaming you and the waking you feel about the dream’s events?

Actions in the dreams such as running, cutting, and deciding can spark further associations. For example, cutting may lead to cutting through, cutting out, shearing, trimming, dividing.

Another interesting approach is making comparisons to the dream material. What was an object in the dream like?  ‘It’s like when …’ or ‘It’s as if ….’ This playful language works well with images.

Say the dream aloud. Listen for puns, metaphors, and statements that provoke a reaction or emotion from you. Try to summarize the dream in one sentence, then in one word. Title the dream.

Now try to relate the theme of the dream to current ‘up-for-you’ situations such as making a specific decision or conflict with someone. Remember, the Ego is rarely pleased with unconscious material. Challenge your Ego by asking, ‘What aspect of my self which is difficult to see or admit does my soul want me to know about?’

Sometimes as you work with dreams, feelings and meaningful insights may spontaneously occur. At other times, nothing seemingly profound occurs. Remember, regardless of whether you ‘got’ your dream or not, you have spent quality time with your soul

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A Path to Wholeness

Originally published Oceanside Star, January 20, 2011

We often hear the expression, ‘We are born whole.’ People strive to become ‘more whole’ and they ‘search for wholeness.’ But what exactly does being whole mean?

A person is born with a balance of all the pairs of human qualities needed, and thus, is considered whole. Examples of such opposite traits include greed and moderation, productivity and idleness, and cleanliness and dirtiness. However, early in life we learned, ‘Always be generous,’ and, ‘Never be lazy.’ We may have been told, ‘Don’t cry,’ or, ‘You’re the responsible one.’ This one-sidedness exiles opposite qualities and abilities into the unconscious while overvaluing others.

Whether deemed ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ Jung called these hidden traits the Shadow. However, these qualities are very much needed in our outer life in order to restore balance, heal our early wounds, and lessen whatever amount of suffering we have. Recall that conscious material is the thoughts, feelings and actions we are aware of. The Ego or ‘I’ is in charge of the conscious, as when we say, “I’m always punctual.” If this is what Ego believes, then the opposite quality, tardiness, is most likely found in the unconscious.

Ego tightly holds on to certain roles and qualities. Outwardly, it appears strong, when really it is weak and immature. If one is ‘never late,’ then tardiness is avoided at all costs. Ego is weak in the sense that it cannot face its own tardiness. It is not mature enough to say, “I accept that sometimes I can be late.”

Jung used the term Self as the part which oversees both conscious and unconscious material. It shows us our imbalances through dreams, body symptoms and strong emotion. These serve as symbolic feedback of how the Self sees the Ego. It’s as if a mirror is being held up to us. “Look. Here’s what’s really going on.”

For example, a dream reveals an image of a snail in which the dreamer felt frustration. The Self might be showing the Ego that deep down, on an unconscious level, feelings of frustration occur when things move slowly. The dreamer, outwardly thinking, “Everything is okay,” is inwardly and unknowingly frustrated.

 If Ego is strong enough, it accepts that it is indeed frustrated. It further asks, ‘”Where in my life am I frustrated with the progress of something?” “Where do I feel bothered by moving at a snail’s pace?”

The honest answers about how one is living may reveal qualities of greed, irresponsibility, and overcaring. It may surface feelings of loss, fear and joy. However, as the poet Rumi advised, “Welcome and entertain them all! … Meet them at the door laughing, and invite them in.”

 Whether it’s personal growth, soul-searching, increasing awareness, or becoming more whole, each will occur when one encourages the Ego to meet the Self.

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Tending the Soul

Whether one calls it psyche, life-force, or essence, the soul is difficult to define. However, regardless of a precise definition, soul is generally agreed upon as the source of meaning in life.

Perhaps one reason the soul is difficult to define is it does not originate from one’s usual process of thinking. Rather, the soul speaks or reveals itself through images. According to Carl Jung, the soul spontaneously makes images. Thomas Moore, author of Care of the Soul, agrees, stating images are the soul’s “native language.”

Images come in the form of dreams, body gestures, intuition and metaphor. What about those sudden images or memories that appear? If your conscious mind did not purposely think them up, then the creative source turns to the soul. When we don’t pay attention to these daily soul whispers, the soul turns the volume up. It now tries to get our attention through disturbing dreams, feelings of depression, addictive behaviour and chronic body distress.

 As the gap between how you are living and how your soul wants you to live increases, so does one’s suffering. The poet Rumi stated, “What hurts the soul most is to live without tasting the water of its own essence.” 

 When we begin to take notice of our moods, gestures, dreams and body sensations, we are moving into relation with soul. A difficulty in working with the soul is the messages often appear to make little sense. This is because the soul speaks using symbols, feelings and metaphor.  

 Try working with the material in an abstract way, much like you would art, poetry or music. Try to sense the overall feeling and theme. The key is not to interpret or to solve, but to be curious and creative.

 Let’s use the image of your pet dog slowly sliding down a cliff while retrieving a stick, leaving the dog perched in a fallen tree.  Hold the image. Notice any feelings? ‘Scared, panicky.’  Any body sensations? ‘Heart pounding’. Make associations to your pet, such as ‘joy, innocence, puppy’, or its name.

 Then explore the surroundings. ‘Over the cliff, slippery slope, out on a limb, too close to the edge.’ Do the same with any actions. “Playing, fetching, sliding.”  Arrange the ideas in sentences. ‘When I play too close to the edge, my joy gets stuck.’ Or, ‘I’m asking my loyalty to fetch something in a risky situation.’

 The work now comes by asking, ‘Why is my soul sending me this image now?’ And, ‘What aspect of my Self needs a closer look at?’ In this case, ‘Where in my life am I compromising my joy? Acting risky? Out on a limb?’ Return to the feeling, ‘What risky situation is truly making me panic?’

As you tend your soul, emotions, memories and insights may or may not occur. What is important, though, is that soul has been honoured.

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It’s your unconscious speaking. Anyone listening?

The unconscious is a treasure-chest of wisdom. If you know the terms psyche, introvert, extrovert, synchronicity and archetypes, you are already familiar with Carl Jung’s work, which focuses on the unconscious. 

There is a huge movement to find one’s true calling, to heal past wounds and to raise one’s consciousness. And tapping into one’s unconscious is an effective way to achieve these changes.  The unconscious is a vast collection of thoughts and feelings that are hidden from a person’s awareness.

We are all wounded. Very early in life, we learned which parts of our Self were designated ‘not good’ and these were suppressed into the unconscious. We also learned which qualities were overvalued. When one is cut off from these hidden parts or overuses others, symptoms occur which indicate something is ‘off.’

Fortunately, the unconscious lets us know about this imbalance in the form of emotional, body-based and symbolic material. Dreams, body gestures, those interesting and sometimes embarrassing slips-of-the-tongue, those wondrous ‘aha’ moments, as well as addictions, body symptoms and intense emotions are examples of how the unconscious is trying to get our attention.

We keep looking outwardly for answers. We keep hoping that the next job, partner, diet or wall colour will make us feel better, when in fact the unconscious, our own inner wisdom, is where we want to go exploring.

The unconscious chooses qualities of our Self that need to be either incorporated or downplayed in order to create balance and to become more whole.  As one works with unconscious material, an honest, humbling look at your otherness occurs. There may be qualities of our Self that are difficult to admit we have, such as greed, perfectionism or the fear of being alone.

Additionally, the unconscious also reveals treasures — desirable qualities long ago chased into the darkness — waiting to enter joyfully back into one’s life. The unconscious has a healing role needed for wellness. This is where the hope lies.

Listening to your unconscious can begin by writing down or drawing your dreams. Throughout the day, be aware of body gestures and sensations. Note the use of metaphors or slips of the tongue.

You will be amazed by how the unconscious responds when it knows it’s being listened to.